NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' PEE
Dick Clark is a big pussy. Every New Year's Eve, he sits safely perched above Times Square while hosting his eternally abysmal, teen-pop-laden, countdown TV show, oblivious to the hellish, steamy cesspool of human body fluids coagulating on the Broadway pavement many stories below.
This grotesque, stomach-and-bladder-contents cocktail is what a real Times Square New Year's Eve is all about. But you wouldn't know it if you grew up in the '70s, weaned on annual viewings of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, which makes this annual New York City tradition out to be THE MOST HAPPENING, GOT-TO-DO-IT-ONCE-BEFORE-YOU-DIE EVENT EVER! So this past December, flush with those creaky old childhood memories, I finally got to experience the monster in person. All of my friends tell me the lingering stench of puke and pee is finally starting to wear off.
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